Ok, I know I promised to write about the 10000 hour rule next but this came up and I thought to share quickly.
Yesterday I came across this interesting tweet that read “You know you’re in love when…”. Curiously, I clicked on the link. According to the website I was taken to, here are the top 10 signs you’re in love with someone.
10. YOU CAN SPEND EVERY DAY WITH THEM. This means you never get bored with them or ever feel the need to take a day off from them. Makes sense. Except that I couldn’t help wondering a little…doesn’t absence make the heart fonder anymore?
9. YOUR HEART SKIPS A BEAT WHEN THEY WALK INTO THE ROOM. This is the classic tingly feeling you get every time you set eyes on them. Eerrrmmm…I’m not sure about this one. I mean if your heart doesn’t skip a beat every time you see someone, does that mean you’re not in love with the person? Or maybe it’s a sign at the BEGINNING not necessarily as the relationship progresses. That, I might agree with.
8. THEY’RE YOUR BEST FRIEND. You can tell them anything, share any moment with them, whether sad or happy. I totally agree your lover should be your best friend. What I’m not sure however is whether total freedom with someone is as much an indicator of your love for them as it is an indicator of their love for you. What I mean is if someone is crazy in love with you but you’re not into them as much, such a person can still be your best friend right? I’ve seen it happen a couple of instances before anyway.
Read the rest of this entry »
WHERE DO YOU FALL RIGHT NOW?
So the question remains, what do you do when you feel pressured to choose between paper chasing and chasing your dreams? How can you strike that delicate balance between what you love to do and paying the bills? It’s not greed, it’s what I call optimal living. I’ve read many books and articles (probably even written some myself) on how doing what you love will translate to riches for you in a matter of time because your passion for it will make you attain excellence effortlesslly. And with excellence comes increased patronage or promotion, depending on what you do. But many of us forget the challenges that come with this, especially at the rooting-down stage, the beginning. So how do you chart a course to becoming a success at doing what you love? I have a few tips: Read the rest of this entry »
You've got to complement each others' dreams
Hey guys, yesterday I was watching this romantic comedy where a lady told her boyfriend – who she was crazy in love with – that she needed a break because she needed time to be alone to nurture her writing passion. She felt being with him would make her concentrate too much on their relationship and neglect her writing in the process. I thought to myself “hhmmmm…interesting”. But I felt like the writers were not imaginative enough to have come up with a more plausible reason for the break-up. And you’ll understand if you’ve ever felt insulted that your partner cited the need to focus on his or her dreams as their reason for breaking up with you. I’m sure like me, you must have thought it was lame and the other person was just looking for an excuse to be rid of you.
But guess what, after thinking about it for a while, I actually got it! You see, your relationship will do one of two things for your dreams…either take you closer to them; or take you further from them. No relationship leaves you in the same place on the journey of your dream fulfillment. Reminds me of when I was a teenager and I had my first boyfriend. My parents found out about it him and my dad in particular would complain incessantly about how distracted I was by the boy. Of course I didn’t think I was distracted. In fact I felt my dad didn’t get it because if he did, he would understand that I now studied harder to pass my entrance exams into the University. Yes, I did study harder, but I was studying to get into a school I hitherto never imagined I would go, to study a course I never thought I would be interested in. And yes, I changed my plans because I wanted to be in the same school as my boyfriend. And that’s how I gained admission into one of the best schools in Nigeria to study a course I was so good at that I was given a chance to graduate on top of my class. At the end of the day, I’m grateful for the change of plans…but what if I wasn’t that lucky? What if I had hated the course and had a miserable time in the school? Oh, and did I tell you my boyfriend never made it into the school? Interesting aye? And that’s how it works for most relationships. We get influenced and often we don’t even realize it. Read the rest of this entry »
“We men want what we can’t have” he said to me in a regretful tone. I was in the middle of a conversation with a good friend of mine whom though we had expressed our mutual feelings for each other, agreed we couldn’t be together because he was in a serious relationship. This was his way of explaining the reason for his attraction to me. His point was that men are attracted to women they perceive as being beyond reach. I got his point but I couldn’t help asking myself “Is it only men that want what they can’t have?” If I were to answer off the top of my head, I would say NO. I, for example, have more than once, found myself desiring something simply because that thing is beyond reach. Now, I don’t have a brilliant psychological explanation for this behaviour but I do admit, it’s happened a couple of times.
This incident prompted me to update my blackberry status that day thus “scarcity induces desire”. But another one of my philosophical friends immediately took me up on it. He pointed out that scarcity can induce desire only to an extent before desperation leads to the search for alternatives. Ok, now I’m getting academic (I’ve been accused of that a lot lately). But hey, don’t blame me, blame my friend that put the argument forward. I kind of get his point though.
Personally, I believe we humans are generally attracted to what we don’t understand. That which eludes us holds great fascination for us. And oftentimes, not getting what you want, makes you want that thing even more. It’s the challenge, the thrill of the chase, the euphoria of looking in your garage and seeing that red porsche you’ve wanted for so long. And even if it isn’t going to be of much use to you given your current lifestyle, you’re happy simply because you got this one. But often, the happiness lingers for a while before something bigger and even more elusive catches your fancy. So when you’re jobless, you say “all I need is a job”. Then you get a job but a few years or even months down the line, you’re looking for a better paying job. With greater income comes greater wants and all of a sudden, the money that seemed would solve all your problems before seems to have created even more problems for you to solve. After all, you’ll need to fuel and service that new car right?
First I owe you guys an apology for my prolonged silence. The past two months have been a combination of crazy hectic work, emotional roller coaster and I do confess, a little apathy. I literally had to will myself to pick up my laptop and begin to type today. But thankfully, battle won!!! So here I am trying to get my writing groove back and reconnect with my dear readers.
Thanks to everyone who reached out to me in this period to find out why I’ve been quiet and to those who pushed and prodded me till I came back….It worked! Yaaaaaaay!!! And to my readers, there would be no “Dami Amele’s Blog” without you guys so thank you, thank you, thank you.
Hopefully, this will be the longest spell you ever had to go without me. And in future even if I can’t write, I promise to do all I can to get guest articles on my blog. Ok, let’s get this party started…!
We desperately seek to blend in but fail to realize that like this bird, perhaps we stick out because we are better than the others!
“Welcome Sir” I said to my brother-in-law, Uncle Chidi who had just arrived from work. I had been staying at my sister’s for a couple of days because she had asked that I help watch her boys and take care of her husband whilst she was away on a trip.
“How are you?” Uncle Chidi replied looking at me for the first time. Then taking in my house clothes which he must have noticed I’d had on since when he left in the morning, he asked me “Did you go to work today?” I could tell that he feared I had stayed back home and missed work just to watch the kids.
“No I did not because I don’t have a particular office I resume to every day. As a Freelance Producer, I work from home and go out when I have shoots and meetings” I replied in a confident tone that was determined to allay his fears. I was also poised for further questions that usually came from people after that initial response. In this part of the world, the job I do and the way I do it is still quite unpopular so people usually wanted to know more whenever I told them I worked from home.
Uncle Chidi did not disappoint me. “So you don’t have an employer? And you don’t go out every day. How then do you get contracts?”
“Good question. No one has asked me that before”, I thought to myself wryly, with a hint of a smile on my face. “Well, I have a network of contacts who call me up whenever there is a job to do” I replied smugly but even I wasn’t convinced by my own response this time. In my one year of free-lance TV Producing, I had sourced all the jobs I have gotten by myself. No one had thus far recommended me for a 3rd party job.
“And are these jobs frequent enough to give you a good steady income?” He probed, obviously unconvinced by my bravado.
“Even more than a lot of people at my level in corporate organizations. I earn much more than my mates and more than I would have been earning if I was in a corporate job”. I said with a confidence stemming from my findings from an income survey I carried out recently.
Uncle Chidi was still not convinced and I could tell from the skeptical look on his face, which was followed by a shrug of dismissal as he ascended the stairs. His parting words were disinterested “Well, if you say so”. That was his way of telling me he didn’t believe in what I do or how I do it or even in the fact that I am contented doing it.
For the past couple of days, I have been asking myself “Why do men cheat?” Why does a man with a seemingly perfect wife end up in bed in some obscure motel in the city suburbs with a woman they barely know? Why does a man with a dream girlfriend end up drooling over another lady who in real life, can’t hold a candle to his partner? These questions, among others, sent me on a research mission both on the internet and from men themselves. Well the responses I got have varied from the selfish, to the logical and even downright absurd. Ample opportunity, escapism, libido, boredom, the nimrod instinct, ego, vengeance, curiosity, lack of respect for his partner, and lack of firm reprehension in the past are some arguments people have put forward for cheating men.
Of all these explanations, the one I find lamest (if there’s a word like that in the dictionary) is the “men are natural hunters a.k.a. “the nimrod instinct” cliché. I am not one of those people who believe that it is men’s nature to cheat. Absolutely not. It can’t be such a “natural” instinct if there are some men out there who do not cheat! The only things I consider in the realm of “natural” are survival instincts; every other thing is acquired taste, including the hunting tendency of men. No single explanation for men’s cheating tendency has proven sufficient in itself however. I believe every case of a cheating man is a unique situation, complete with its own assortment of peculiar circumstances.
***Example***
Max had been dating Anne for 5 years. Max and Anne had the same circle of friends, loved the same things, wanted the same things out of life, and even finished each others’ sentences. They could do anything for one another, give up anything for one another, and fight anyone who tried to get between them. These two were so besotted with one another that they were the object of admiration amongst their friends and envy among their haters. But thus fact did not slow down their love in any way. Of course would-be home breakers were easily kept at bay because these two simply couldn’t stop talking about each other to whoever cared to listen. Max had a good sense of humour and would often jokingly tell Anne that “you have me walking around with a giant size heart in place of a head”. Theirs was the perfect match made in heaven, not even the hordes of hell could come between these two.
Purpose, destiny, fate – what do they really mean? Many PRETEND to know, others BELIEVE they know, some ADMIT they do not know. I define purpose as the essence of existence, the meaning of life, the reason for creation. Some die trying to discover their life’s purpose; some live more fulfilled lives as they seek and find that true reason for their existence; yet some do not even believe purpose exists.
Speaking of the belief in the existence of purpose, the Fatality/Determinism argument comes into mind. The Fatalists on the one hand believe that each person was born as a solution to a problem and that discovering that unique problem you were created to solve and finding the solution to it is fulfillment of purpose. The Determinists on the other hand believe that we as men all have choices and that the choices we make turn around to make us who we become. In other words, your life is in your own hands and what you make of it absolutely depends on you. You can become anything from a rocket scientist to a pop star if you develop yourself properly and make the best of your opportunities. In other words, man is the sole determinant of his purpose. Read the rest of this entry »
I have always fancied myself as having quite a number of close friends and by this, I mean people with whom I share some level of intimacy. This is partly due to the fact that I thrive more on one-on-one relationships than in groups. This means that before I can truly feel a sense of belonging to a group, I must have developed a personal bond with at least more than half of the people that make up the group. The other reason is that there seems to be a certain quality about me (and I say this with all humility) which makes me easy to talk to. People tend to confide in me after only a short period of acquaintanceship. What this does is give me a string of people with whom we have bonds strong enough for them to see me as a close friend…but only a handful of these people do I actually see as friends.
Only recently did start I asking myself some questions. “What really is friendship?” “Who is a friend?” “Is friendship all about having someone to spend time with and have fun with?” ”What is that thing that makes that stranger of yesterday a friend today?” As I am not about to open an encyclopedia of friendship definitions here, I will only share one of the definitions of friendship that I find most profound “A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you”. In other words, this is someone who knows your darkest secrets and your greatest short-comings yet, remains your friend. This then brought me to the next subject of my thoughts “how many true friends do I have?” Sorry, I’m not about to tell you the answer to that but a I’ll give you a hint – less than a quarter of the number of people I initially thought were my friends!
What if you could grow beyond preset barriers and stretch beyond the horizons? What would you accomplish if nothing could stop you? What’s your dream?
These are questions you must contemplate if you want to become the outstanding person you were born to be.
Have you also wondered “How do I get started? How can I get the strategic relationships or “connections I need? What steps should I take to grow? What exactly do I need to know? How do I improve my confidence and communication skills?”
I’m glad to let you know that finally, there’s an institution that teaches you how to LIVE YOUR DREAMS. With the incredible transformations going on in our socio-economic climes, it has become abundantly clear that talent, academic degrees and certificates alone will not put you ahead of the teeming population of job-seekers, budding entrepreneurs and aspiring reformers. Unfortunately, the traditional academic institutions often revolve around obsolete techniques and axioms that have no real life application thus they fail to furnish students with the necessary qualities required to live up to their true potential.
More than ever, life skills are in high demand. There is an undeniable revolution that stipulates that anyone who must forge ahead and leave a lasting impression in the annals of history must invest ample time, energy and financial resources in DISCOVERING, DEVELOPING and DEPLOYING their inherent GIFTS.
Introducing…*drumrolls please* The D.R.E.A.M ACADEMY!!!
